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标题: 超流行的成人幽默升级版 [打印本页]

作者: 明日花黄 时间: 2009-2-12 21:37 标题: 超流行的成人幽默升级版

超流行的成人幽默升级版
二十一世纪成人在线最新更新

1、某君住店，夜半致电吧台：最便宜的小姐多少钱？答：“一百，但是丑哦，漂亮的五百。”某君说要丑的。小姐来后，某君让其裸坐沙发，自去床上酣睡至天亮。小姐不解问：“叫我来干吗？”某君答：“房内蚊子太多！” (这个故事说明，只要转变观念，任何资源均可为我所用。)
　　
　　2、一女极丑，鬼见了都跑。一穷设计师把其制成年画，广告词写的是：挂门头，避邪；挂床头，避孕！此设计师因此得奖，进入小康阶层。
　　
　　3、一蚊子进城，饿极。见一小姐双乳高耸，遂一头扎入猛咬，结果满嘴全是硅胶，于是仰天长叹：“唉，食品安全太成问题了！上哪找放心奶啊？”
　　
　　4、庄稼汉进城买避孕套，忘了避孕套怎么说。在药店柜前转悠半天，还是想不起来。最后只好小声地问女售货员：小姐，有没有卖装jj的塑料袋？转自华声论坛
　　
　　5、一对情人做爱，男总喜欢说：“我要弄死你！”忽忽几日未见，女找到男单位，男问：有事吗？女柔声道：“也没啥事，就是不想活了……”
　　
　　6、一群妇女等候B超检查，护士喊：排好了啊，彩B的站左边；黑白B的站右边。一妇女不懂，掀开裙子退下内裤，问护士：你看我的算什么B？护士没好气地说：你是牛B！！
　　
　　7、母鸡对公牛发牢骚：“人类让我多下蛋，自己却计划生育，这太不公平了！”老公牛说：“你这算个屁呀？全世界人民都喝我老婆的奶，谁他妈的管我叫爹！”
　　
　　8、一对盲人夫妇约定做爱暗号，男人说：“打牌。”女人说：“开始。”隔壁小青年经常听到打牌，心想盲人怎么打牌呢？于是偷窥，一看原来如此。某日，小青年趁男盲人外出，溜进其家，对女盲人说：“打牌。”女盲人说：“开始。”于是两人xj。小青年本领大，至高潮处，女盲人连夸：“好牌。”到了晚上，男盲人又想与妻打牌，女盲人说：“你不是白天打了一次了吗？”男盲人一听，又急又气，惊呼：“不好，有人偷牌！”
　　
　　9、女领导夜归，突被两男架上车，一男威胁说：“老实点，劫色的。”女领导闻言笑骂道：“他爹的，这么愉快的事，搞得这么紧张，吓死了，我还以为被双规了！”转自华声论坛
　　
　　10、汽车嫁给火车，可不久就离婚了。大家问原因，汽车伤心地说：“他天天担心我被撞，我呢，时时怕他出轨，真受不了！”　
　　
　　11、某县原某局长，肚里没几点墨汁。局里新分配来的一位大学生，崇拜鲁迅，便在自己的案头玻璃下夹了一张鲁迅的照片。局长发现后，语重心长的对他说：“年轻人呀，要多学点马列、毛主席的著作；要摆也应该摆他们的照片，怎么能把你爷爷摆在这呢？”
　　
　　12、乡下，一小男孩满身大汗拉着一头牛。路过的游客好奇地问：〝你要把牛拉到哪去？〞
　　〝到邻村和母牛配种。〞
　　〝这样的事不能让你父亲做吗？〞转自华声论坛
　　男孩连连摇头：〝不行，一定得公牛才行！〞
　　
　　13、村里通知：集中母猪〝人工授精〞。大娘把母猪牵到兽医站的院子里，兽医同志指着天井告诉大娘，〝拴在那里，等会来牵回去就好。〞
　　大娘看到天井很脏，犹豫了一会，问道：〝这里就好呀？要不，我去给你们抱把稻草来。〞
　　〝不用不用，一下子就好了。〞
　　过了一会，大娘去领回母猪，同志对她说：〝好啦！这次保证一胎十二只。〞
　　大娘一脸疑惑，说：〝十二只是好，但生出来都像同志你，这猪可怎么卖啊？〞
　　
　　14、医生与院长不和，被调至妇科，窃喜。次日接看女患者数十名，连摸带看，持续勃起八小时。晚上老婆缠着做爱，阳萎不举。才恍然大悟：干他娘！又被领导暗算了！
　　
　　15、一医科大学生到乡村医院实习，不懂说农村的话。一次接诊一位大嫂，叮嘱她不能与丈夫〝性交〞，大嫂听不明白，解释了半天，她还是强调：〝我丈夫姓郑！〞
　　
　　16、美国选情畅想：如果希拉里当选美国总统，最爽的当算克林顿----他干了8年美国总统，又至少能干美国总统4年！
　　
　　17、文革后期，公检法未恢复、健全，抓人的事全凭局长一支笔审批。我们那里有个青年民警准备结婚，打个报告送给局长。正在打牌的局长大笔一挥，签下四只字：同意逮捕！
　　
　　18、汕头话把洗脸叫洗面。一从北方调来的女市长，下乡到农家访问，男主人热情端来洗脸水，说：〝请市长洗下面。〞市长楞了。随员只好解释说：〝是当地风俗，搬进房里洗吧！〞转自华声论坛
　　
　　19姐姐出差，晚上姐夫和小姨子在客厅聊天，姐夫问：〝你税后多少钱?〞小姨子脸一红，小声说：〝和姐夫睡还提钱！〞
　　
　　20、C 君去海南旅游回来，我问去没去万泉河畔，他说去了，还看到很多娘子军。然后在我耳边补充说：都是黄色的

作者: 369585086 时间: 2009-2-13 21:55

o(∩_∩)o...哈哈真是太有意思了

作者: oklhc100 时间: 2009-2-14 01:15 标题: 香港六he彩自由心水论坛

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作者: tangjun808 时间: 2009-2-14 15:58 标题: 超声波自动筷子消毒机024-31401808筷子消毒机

[b][size=3][color=#f76809]声波筷子消毒机[/color][/size][/b] 一种国家优秀专利项目－《超声波全自动筷子消毒机》现已开始上市。它集自动消毒，安全存放，自动输出为一体。每台机器佩戴200双仿像骨筷子。使用筷子时只需按动按钮筷子即自动输出机外。它具有体积小、使用方便、成本低、耗能少、寿命长等特点。它适用于一切公共餐饮场所。
   节省开支：以一小饭店为例，使用一次性筷子每月费用150元以上，使用一台筷子消毒机不到三个月收回了成本，以后不需支出筷子费用。某高校食堂每天需支出一次性筷子费用200元，使用筷子消毒机后，当年节省开支5万多元，其他一些食堂和饭店都收到了同样效果。
   讲卫生上档次：它有效地将治病病菌、病毒杀灭。经省防疫站检测达到卫生标准。使用它可以解决目前社会上使用的各种筷子的不卫生问题。如一次性筷子在运输、储放过程中的污染。经消毒柜消毒后的筷子在上纸套过程中触摸和纸套的污染等。
   使用它在保证了就餐者健康的同时提高了服务质量和社会文明。
   环保节约：专家预测在不到10年内一次性筷子将用掉国内所有森林，目前森林已大面积减少，已经造成严重的后果，如土地大面积荒漠化，河流断流，沙尘暴等。使用一台筷子消毒机一年可保护几十课大树，如果全国普遍应用可保护人类赖以生存的环境。

[size=3][color=#ff0000][b]超声波全自动筷子消毒机价格：350元批发另议[/b][/color][/size]

。

作者: lylsgyt 时间: 2009-2-14 20:09

有意思！！！！！！！

作者: oklhc100 时间: 2009-2-14 23:45 标题: 香港六he彩自由心水论坛

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作者: bendan000 时间: 2009-2-15 11:02

真强。虽然有些看过，但没有功劳也有苦劳，我凸你。

作者: 啊朋 时间: 2009-2-17 02:12

支持你，，，，

作者: chw7777 时间: 2009-2-17 07:25

O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

作者: deyi321 时间: 2009-2-17 20:45 标题: 不错,有意思!

不错,有意思,顶!强烈支持!

作者: hhww 时间: 2009-2-19 10:21

看了楼主的帖子，不由得精神为之一振，自觉七经八脉为之一畅，七窍倒也开了六巧半，自古英雄出少年，楼主年纪轻轻，就有经天纬地之才，定国安邦之智，古人云，卧龙凤雏得一而安天下，而今，天佑我大中华，沧海桑田5000年，中华神州平地一声雷，飞沙走石，大舞迷天，朦胧中，只见顶天立地一金甲天神立于天地间，这人英雄手持双斧，二目如电，一斧下去，混沌初开，二斧下去，女娲造人，三斧下去，小生倾倒．得此大英雄，实耐之幸也，民之福也，怎不叫人喜极而泣……深圳店铺装修古人有少年楼主说为证，少年之楼主如红日初升，其道大光；河出伏流，一泻汪洋；潜龙腾渊，鳞爪飞扬；乳虎啸谷，百兽震惶；鹰隼试翼，风尘吸张；奇花初胎，皇皇；干将发硎，有作其芒；天戴其苍，地履其黄；纵有千古，横有八荒；小生对楼主之仰慕如滔滔江水连绵不绝，海枯石烂，天崩地裂，永不变心。

楼主，你的高尚情C太让人感动了。在现在这样一个物欲横流的金钱社会里，竟然还能见到楼主这样的性情中人，无疑是我这辈子最大的幸运。让我深深感受到了人性的伟大。楼主的帖子，就好比黑暗中刺裂夜空的闪电，又好比撕开乌云的阳光，一瞬间就让我如饮甘露，让我明白了永恒的真理在这个世界上是真实存在着的。只有楼主这样具备广阔胸怀和完整知识体系的人，才能作为这真理的惟一引言者。看了楼主的帖子，我陷入了严肃的思考中。我认为，如果不把楼主的帖子顶上去，就是对真理的一种背叛，就是对谬论的极大妥协。因此，我决定义无返顾地顶了！

作者: abcd54321 时间: 2009-2-20 02:31

o(∩_∩)o

作者: kzhc 时间: 2009-2-25 07:29

好

作者: wxy0311 时间: 2009-2-26 16:46

D

作者: lufeng19841030 时间: 2009-2-28 06:50

不错不错！

作者: 蔡州效 时间: 2011-8-28 08:53

[完美操作，精心打造，Q⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①信誉第壹那个∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/叫你老婆的人，∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/是你的老公。这世上，只有他可以这样称呼你。他是那样弥足珍贵。
你们肯定吵过架。∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/为二本随处乱丢的杂志，为二套爱到极致却无力购买的住宅。你认为他是那麽邋遢和无能，你后悔当初为什麽没有嫁给张三李四王二麻∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/子。可是每次吵架，你总是最后的胜利者。因为他会突然停下来，朝你做个投降的手势，或者，他没有投降，也会躲到二边，烧二道菜或∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答答ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/者是吸二根烟。他总是让著你，无论他有没有道理。其实你也知道，这世上，能处处让著你的人，并不多。能够二辈子让著你的人，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你的老公。
他有些小气，∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/甚至有些吝啬，这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱，可是他却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。现在，他每个月赚1800元钱，然而，你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的，因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上，他的烟钱和酒钱，他请朋友∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/吃饭的钱，你的冰淇淋，全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。有时你心疼他，拿出二百元钞票递给他，说，你也在朋友面前充充面子。他当然∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/高兴，像孩子二般眉开眼笑，立刻呼朋引伴去了。等晚上回来，你却发现，他竟还剩下80元钱。他说，还是省著点花，这些钱够咱们吃好几天呢。结了婚，无论他怎麽虚荣和豪爽，他想到的首先是你和你们的孩子，而不是自己的面子。其实，能够这样二辈子惦著你的人，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你的老公。
在外面，他会受∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/累，会受苦，会受气。可是回了家，却从不说。他想让家变得温暖，变得温馨，变得充满欢笑。他甯愿将所有不愉快埋在心裏，将所有的∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/苦难二个人承受。其实，能够二辈子这样做的人，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你的老公。
他不再为你献殷∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/勤，可是当你冷了，他会为你披二件衣服；当你热了，他会给你端二杯冰水；当你饿了，他会为你煮两个鸡蛋；当你累了，他会充当你∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/的枕头或者靠垫。这二切是那样得体，绝不花哨。他不需要赞赏和表扬，他做这二切，只因他是你的男人。其实，能够二辈子关爱你的人∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你的老公。他有些小气，甚至有些吝啬，这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱，可是他∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣：⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。现在，他每个月赚1800元钱，然而，你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的，因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上，他的烟钱和酒钱，他请朋友吃饭的钱，你的冰淇淋，全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。
▓特权“2011年一级建造师答案”Q⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①▓包过
[精心操作，实力打造，信誉第二那个∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/叫你老婆的人，㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/是你的老公。这世上，只有他可以这样称呼你。他是那样弥足珍贵。
你们肯定吵过架。为二本随处乱丢的杂志，为二套爱到极致却无力购买的住宅。你认为他是那麽邋遢和无能，你后悔当初为什麽没有嫁给张三李四王二麻子。可是每㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/次吵架，你总是最后的胜利者。因为他会突然停下来，朝你做个投降的手势，或者，他没有投降，也会躲到二边，烧二道菜或者是吸二根烟。他总是让㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/著你，无论他有没有道理。其实你也知道，这世上，能处处让著你的人，并不多。能够二辈子让著你的人，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你的老公。
他有些小气，甚至㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/有些吝啬，这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱，可是他却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。现在，他每个月赚1800元钱，然而，㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的，因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上，他的烟钱和酒钱，他请朋友吃饭的钱，你的冰淇淋，㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。有时你心疼他，拿出二百元钞票递给他，说，你也在朋友面前充充面子。他当然高兴，像孩子二般眉开眼笑，立刻呼朋引伴去了。等晚上回来，你却发现，他竟还剩下80元钱。他说，还是省著点花，这些钱够咱们吃好几天呢。结了婚，无论他怎麽虚荣和豪爽，他想㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/到的首先是你和你们的孩子，而不是自己的面子。其实，能够这样二辈子惦著你的人，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你的老公。
在外面，他会受累㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/，会受苦，会受气。可是回了家，却从不说。他想让家变得温暖，变得温馨，变得充满欢笑。他甯愿将所有不愉快埋在心裏，将所有的苦难二个人承受。其实，能够二辈子这样做的人，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你的老公。
他不再为你献殷勤㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/，可是当你冷了，他会为你披二件衣服；当你热了，他会给你端二杯冰水；当你饿了，他会为你煮两个鸡蛋；当你累了，他会充当你的枕头或者靠垫。这㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/二切是那样得体，绝不花哨。他不需要赞赏和表扬，他做这二切，只因他是你的男人。其实，能够二辈子关爱你的人，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你的老公。他有些小气，甚至有些吝啬，这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱，可是他却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/现在，他每个月赚1800元钱，然而，你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的，因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上，他的烟钱和酒钱，他请朋友吃饭的钱，你的冰淇淋，全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。
他不再为你献殷勤㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/，可是当你冷了，他会为你披二件衣服；当你热了，他会给你端二杯冰水；当你饿了，他会为你煮两个鸡蛋；当你累了，他会充当你的枕头或者靠垫。㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/这二切是那样得体，绝不花哨。他不需要赞赏和表扬，他做这二切，只因他是你的男人。其实，能够二辈子关爱你的人，也只有他。他叫你老婆，他是你㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/的老公。他有些小气，甚至有些吝啬，这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱，可是他却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。现在，他每个月赚1800元钱，然而，你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的，因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上，他的烟钱和酒钱㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/，他请朋友吃饭的钱，你的冰淇淋，全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。

作者: tt470 时间: 2011-8-28 10:03

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